So I've been thinking a lot lately. The Thanksgiving holiday has encouraged me to think about what I'm thankful for, and one thing that comes quickly to my mind is that I am finally back at Faith Academy.
It was my dream to teach overseas since I was in high school.
It was my dream to return to Faith Academy from the moment I left here from student teaching six years ago.
And now God has allowed me to fulfill that dream and return here indefinitely.
I'm SO grateful.
But it has been hard. It has been a rough transition. I have struggled with finding my place among the social groups here at Faith Academy. I have struggled to find really close friends that I can go to at the drop of a button. I have struggled to find fellowship with people who are genuinely interested in getting to know me. But I am still thankful to be here. I don't desire to leave at all. I know this is right where God wants me, and this is where I want to be.
All growing up, people tell you to pursue your dreams. They tell you to do whatever it takes and to never lose sight of that dream. Christians will quote the verse from Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I believe that as I delight in the Lord, He will give me the desires of my heart, as the desires I have will be His desires. I believe teaching overseas is the dream God gave me, especially since He has brought it to pass.
But I think something that people rarely share is the cost at which your dreams come. Every dream comes at a price. Have you counted that cost? If you want to play pro sports, that means that much of your life will be commited to training, eating right, and pursuing your game. That may mean costs to friendships, family relationships, free time, and so many other things. But is it worth it? Absolutely. For me, the cost of pursuing my dream of teaching missionary children overseas is being away from my friends and family. It is leaving those I love on the other side of the world, getting to see them only through Skype and Facebook. It means spending holidays without them and instead building my own traditions. This has been much harder than I expected.
I have been thinking about my other dream that has not yet come to pass - that of being a wife and mother some day. I know that what I am going through now is training and preparation for that, should that be the desire of God's heart for me. I know that if God brings a guy into my life and we get married, life will again be filled with much transition and trial. It will mean cost to personal freedom as well as many other things. But will it be worth it? Absolutely.
In Luke 14:26-27, 30, Jesus says this to His disciples: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.... So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple." The idea that I might do something that would prevent me from being Christ's disciple unsettles me. It's not that I hate my family (for indeed I love them very much!), but it is that I am asked to give them up for a time. I am asked to leave what is familiar and go into the unknown. I am asked to trust Him completely, knowing that He has gone before me and prepared the way for me. If this is what God has called me to do, then I will do it wholeheartedly.
But counting the cost isn't just about loss; it's about gain - absolutely incredible gain. One of my favorite parts about following Christ is the hope that He gives. I have hope that the sacrifice I have made will result in eternal blessings - blessing that are far greater than the ones I could ever receive on this earth. I have hope that I will get to spend eternity with my family and friends who know Christ. I have hope that I will also be bringing some more people there with me because of the ministry God has given me. I have hope that God uses even the times of struggle and weakness for His purposes and glory.
I "hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:20b-21).
This is not a wishful thinking kind of hope. It is a hope of absolute knowledge. It is a "hope that does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us" (Rom 5:5). It is a guaranteed hope.
I have counted the cost. There is no turning back.
I am a disciple of Christ.
Soli Deo Gloria
To God alone be the glory.